


Juno Steel and the Secret Carte Blanche Book Club

by CertifiedPissWizard



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gen, and they will fight over them, best frenemies juno and vespa, its what we deserve, references to fake books, thay both have opinions on books
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27352948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CertifiedPissWizard/pseuds/CertifiedPissWizard
Summary: “Of course there are- but they only get to be six feet tall. What sort of place has twenty-foot-tall sewers? Ridiculous. Also why did Alan think making the rabbits angry was a smart idea? Everyone knows-““I didn’t even know sewer rabbits were a thing, Steel, what are you on?”“The Carte Blanche, Vespa.” She glowers at him, but Juno is right. That’s what matters.
Relationships: Vespa Ilkay & Juno Steel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Juno Steel and the Secret Carte Blanche Book Club

Juno and Vespa are reading the same book. This would normally not be a problem, but Vespa asked about Juno’s take on one of the characters and says it’s wrong. Meanwhile her take is one of the shittiest Juno has ever heard. The only reason, he thinks, that neither of them have ended up shouting is because of how late it is. Vespa thinks the character is wishy washy. The character, Juno thinks, is stuck in a hard situation and has to pick one of two horrible options that have the potential to hurt the character and their loved ones. “Of course, Alan wouldn’t be in this situation if they’d just knocked Lex unconscious. They had a syringe of sedative right there.”

“Are you kidding? That sedative would keep Lex out for maybe thirty minutes at best- nowhere near enough time to handcuff them and get them away from Olympus Mons-“

“It’s called suspension of disbelief, Vespa-“

“It’s called the author should have done their research, Steel-“

“It’s called once Lex was restrained thoroughly there would have been time to cart xir to a spaceport, Vespa. There’s never a line to buy tickets in Olympus Mons-“

“Not everyone grew up on Mars, Steel. Next thing you’re going to be saying is that there really are sewer rabbits.”

“Of course there are- but they only get to be six feet tall. What sort of place has twenty-foot-tall sewers? Ridiculous. Also why did Alan think making the rabbits angry was a smart idea? Everyone knows-“

“I didn’t even know sewer rabbits were a thing, Steel, what are you on?”

“The Carte Blanche, Vespa.” She glowers at him, but Juno is right. That’s what matters. He’s right that Alan was stupid for making the sewer rabbits angry. “Look they knew there would be consequences for stealing a baby sewer rabbit, and they did it anyways. Which led to Lex losing xir cat- which led to Lex trying to use dark forces to regain xir cat, which led to the main conflict entering the story.”

“Oh please, what really served as the catalyst was Lex finding the-“

“It’s heavily implied that xe already had copies of similar books. Finding the book on dark magic just reminded xir-“

“Oh yeah? Where is it implied then?”

“Chapter 16. Lex is described as having shelves of books with dark auras, some of which xe said xe had had for a while. Vespa.”

“Oh yeah? Lex also said in chapter 13 that they enjoy misleading people about their hobbies for fun.”

“Fun fact, Vespa. Lex could have been-“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Steel.”

“Look, what I’m just saying is that there’s every chance that xe already had the knowledge to try and bring their cat back. Xe’d just never done anything like that before. Which led to the dark forces taking over their body and driving them to-“

“No no no, xe was already like this if you look at chapter-“

“It’s heavily implied that xe was already possessed then, Vespa. We’ve seen how xe talked in flashbacks, and how xe talked in that chapter was the same as when it was revealed that xe was possessed by the demon lurking under Mars’s surface, meaning that to break its hold on xir and stop xir from trying to destroy the domes xe needed to be taken off the planet. And then Alan didn’t do that because they’re an idiot.”

“At least you have one good take on this, Steel. That doesn’t stop the fact that Alan is so wishy washy. They have the ability to stop all of it by crushing the seven artifacts-“

“Which will destroy the dome anyways, and it might release the demon into the greater galaxy- not that destroying the dome to get rid of Lex doesn’t have the same potential. There aren’t any good options, especially because Lex’s powers have grown to the point where separating xir from Mars might not-“

“Break the hold the demon has on xir, we all know this, Steel. It’s obvious to literally everyone except for Alan.”

“From what I’ve heard it isn’t obvious to the people who made the stream based on it.”

“Well most of those are stupid anyways.” Juno nods in agreement. “Of course, there’s the other option.”

“Oh please, there’s no way for Alan to get close enough to Lex to scratch the sigil onto xir- not like they would do it anyways because ‘to mar Lex’s perfect skin would be a crime a step above them all.’ The moron.” Vespa groans in response.

“Alan is so stupid. I hope Nebula destroys them and takes their burgeoning powers and uses them to-“

“Deal with Lex. I didn’t even think that was a possibility, but you’re so right. Plus, Nebula deserves her revenge after what xe did to her family.”

“Exactly, Steel. Glad to see you have at least some braincells.”

“If only the author did, but it looks like they’re setting Nebula up to sacrifice herself for,” they both end up groaning ‘Alan” in unison.

“If the author did, I’m going to ask Buddy to pick his house to rob next.”

“Hell yes.” She gives Juno an appraising look.

“You may be awful, and I may not trust you, Steel. You have interesting takes, though. We’re going to do this again.”

“Bossy, but while your takes are bad, and you did stab me that one time, I have to agree with you on that.”


End file.
